Letters: To Advise or Not to Advise (IV)

Another Response to Joy by Doris Ampong

Bestie Joy,

I’m glad you girls are making room to reason with me. And I’m not surprised that you’ve been given the core responsibility of providing me with the appropriate response. You have always been the mother of the group; providing good counsel here and there and settling scores amicably amongst us.

I remember how you managed to break the iced silence between Akosua and I after several months, following our big fight over who you should pick up first from home on the day we decided to visit quiet Aba’s mum. It is funny how Akosua eventually became one of my favorites in the group. You do well with making peace.

Anyways, back to the crucial issue. Yes, I did say that my able counsellors warned Yaw and I to cut off all external parties or binding friendships. They might not have meant doing that in totality. However, they were clear that Yaw and I should keep to ourselves most of the time. We were encouraged to be our own best friend and enjoy our company. During those counselling sessions, the core of the advice was to make each other our priority above anything or anybody; even our parents. Their assertions were anchored on the famous marriage scripture that says ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh Gen 2:24 (NKJV)’. It was as though our counsellors knew I did a lot of hanging out with the girls; hence they being fierce and strict on me.

I did listen to them during those sessions but did not think I was going to follow through. I felt Yaw and I had our individual lives which should not be compromised because of marriage.

However, reality set in when we moved in together as husband and wife. There was not enough time on our hands; especially my hands to want to step out with the girls. You remember God blessed us with a seed three months after marriage and the whole process; coupled with corporate and church work was time consuming. The process is another story for some other time.

Yaw did have a large number of groomsmen and was all over the place during our wedding. His seemingly ‘all over the place’ attitude and non-stop dancing during the wedding is a mystery I’m still trying to solve considering the fact that he is a very quiet and private person. With the large groomsmen, his co-workers who by some luck heard in advance that he was about getting married were extremely happy. They could not believe that Yaw’s ‘mouth had finally sang’ (made a proposal) and so they all wanted to be part of his great day as groomsmen. At a point, I had to literally beg some of them to drop off as groomsmen due to the large number. He may have gathered the courage to dance his heart out during the wedding knowing that he had achieved a great feat for himself (making a proposal).

After the wedding, I never heard him talk about the groomsmen, left alone to want to step out with them. And that’s where the difficulty lies for me. He is always home; if not for work or church.

Like I mentioned in my previous letter, he is understanding and so will make time one of these days so that we can have an unforgettable sitting or trip.

Dearest Joy, keep the group strong and going; do not cross me out of the circle. I love you all very much,

Ama

**Doris Ampong is the writer of this 👆🏾 and the second letter in this series. You can follow her on Twitter @dorampgh

Letters: To Advise or Not to Advise (I)

Dear Ama,

Ever since you walked down the aisle some 15 months ago, I have noticed some changes in your attitude. Particularly, the manner in which you relate with us (your single/unmarried friends). Interestingly, I am not the only one who has seen these changes. Every girl in the group agrees with my observation including quiet Aba.

You are no longer as fun to be with. Every joke we crack in your presence is met by a piece of advice from you. Seriously, most of us do not enjoy your friendship anymore and the way you turn down our requests is becoming so annoying.

“Let’s go and dance,”

“I must go and prepare dinner,” you respond.

“Can we hang out at the movies,”

“I need to go pick hubby’s clothes from the laundry,” you reply.

“Do you want to attend her wedding,”

“This weekend is tight. The kids need to be picked up from their grandparents. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you,”

Excuses. Excuses. You now see the reason most of us keep our distance?

Yes, I know I’m single and I have single people’s problems. My priorities may be my career, my hair and clothes and oh, having as much fun as possible before I ‘settle down.’ Thank you for reminding me of that every time.

We don’t need you as an advisor (I’m speaking on behalf of the other girls) just because you have said some vows at the altar.

Hahaha.

Your attitude these days make me laugh. I laugh at you, at us and what our friendship has become. The sham we’ve been calling a friendship. I’m not bitter. No. But I’ve advised myself and I’m calling it quits. You can break the news to your family or keep it to yourself.

Let me leave you so you go take care of your matrimonial home since, we, the single ones do not have much to do. 😒

Your once-best-friend,

Joy

#WBC2020 – Dear Mansa, Ghana is Free

7th March 1957

Dear Mansa,

You won’t believe what the Show Boy has done this time. Did you monitor the news yesterday? We are free from our colonial masters. It’s been a long and difficult battle and we have suffered very much but I want to believe this is the finale.

I actually wanted to see things for myself so I went to the Polo Grounds where Showboy Kwame Nkrumah delivered his speech. Can you believe there were no vehicles to transport me but I made the journey on foot. The over 7-mile trip was nothing compared to my yearning to witness this momentous occasion.

I was sweaty when I got to the grounds but the place was packed. I could not move without coming into contact with other people. When I finally found a spot that provided a good view, Showboy had started his speech.

Mansa, we have really suffered – not just from interferences from the British but from the United Gold Coast Convention (UGCC) who wanted self-government within the shortest possible time to the current Convention Peoples Party (CPP) who sought to govern immediately. If I tell you the number of lives that have been lost in this struggle, you will understand my joy.

Anyway, freedom smells good. I was not the only one who listened to the speech with great hope. I could feel the pride emanate from me when Nkrumah delivered his speech. My heart started beating and for no reason, tears began to fall down my cheek, especially, when Nkrumah uttered these words:

We have won the battle and we again re-dedicate ourselves … Our independence is meaningless unless it is linked up with the total liberation of Africa. Let us now, fellow Ghanaians, let us now ask for God’s blessing…

It’s been a long road and we are finally free from oppression, unnecessary imprisonment of our political leaders, hardships and suffering.

We are finally going to manage our own affairs and resources. I know the world is watching from afar. I can sense Nkrumah is bent on aiding other African countries to achieve independence. Not only that, he also envisions an African union. Do you think that is possible? These are still early times, though. Let me not jump ahead of myself. I’ll provide you with regular updates and I hope to read your reply soon.

Your most optimistic Ghanaian,

Yaa

***This is 12/22 of the #WinterABC2020. The prompt is choose an African event and write about it as if you were there.***

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