Guest Post: Pornography. Me. The Church

I love guest posting, I think I am more confident on other people’s blogs than I am on mine. Even though I talk about deep issues on my blog, I think I talk deeper issues in other people’s blogs.

Now, the post: I am a Christian woman, born and raised in a Christian family and was addicted to pornography. I wrote a little bit about it in my book, because I didn’t have the confidence to talk more about it. I was introduced to it when I was very young, in my teens. It became a close companion when I was in the university, that stage when I did not know how to deal with my emotions and sexual desires. After graduating from college, I reached a point where I made a conscious decision to fight it, and so every day, I woke up and prayed to God for help to win the war over this temptation. Currently, I have set my Twitter page in such a way that no inappropriate content appears in my feed because that could trigger unwanted desires. I am always, and consciously on the watch, praying to God to give me strength in this weakness, yet I battle it alone in silence and behind closed doors, like many other Christians.

Now that you know about pornography and me, let’s get to pornography and the church.

In this day and age, where we are loud, open and very bold, you might think we will be talking about this issue. You would think we will be open now that 64% of the people watching porn are between the ages of 13-24 (Barna Group Survey) and the church would know that not just 21 million men are addicted to porn but women and kids are also on this new drug.

Sin is not picky; it goes with anyone who falls for it and as we are being taught in the church to save ourselves for marriage but not being told how we can fight or deal with our hormones, emotions, sexual temptations and desires, we are left in guilt and fight this sin in secrecy. I personally want to advise pastors to talk about this issue because the times are changing but holiness isn’t. Holiness is still the goal and without it no one can see the Father, therefore, pastors need to talk about this openly and make themselves less judgmental and more accepting to the people who watch porn. They should receive and help these people because we, as the body of Christ, all get hurt when one is hurt.

Here are some helpful tips that I use to fight pornography and I know it’ll be useful to you too:

  • Talk to a friend about it and let her/ him keep you accountable
  • Like all other sins, pornography feels good when you are viewing it and then, you feel dirty and guilty later. After sometime, you thirst again for the water that leaves you thirsty still. What I have done is to write down all the ways pornography makes me feel, and how I would feel leaving it, and I have a vision of the woman that I want to be in the future, and how she is affected by the addiction now. This can be posted on the wall as a reminder and to encourage you in your fight.
  • Follow Christian blogs and read books about freedom from pornography addiction (I would recommend some on my blog).
  • Put some sort of control on your phone (I personally use parental control where a friend can act like my parent and get notified when I search anything related to porn, and it blocks my searches and so nothing shows up).
  • Tell your pastor and parents (I am yet to do this too).
  • Write in your journal about your struggles.
  • Connect with others and keep each other accountable.
  • Some things cannot end without prayer and fasting regardless of your level of discipline, and so, pray and fast. I personally have heard testimonies of different people who have been healed by God miraculously, or even slowly from pornography addiction and so I still have hope that there is healing for even me… and You.     

(Now that I have shared this, I think I will be brave enough to talk about this in my blog).   

This is a guest post submitted by Eunice Tossy. Eunice is a 24-year old Tanzanian blogger who is still learning and growing. She shares her experiences on her blog, http://abiblegirl.com/ . You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram : @eunietj and on YouTube: Eunice Tossy.

Book Review: Francine Rivers’ ‘The Masterpiece’

The Masterpiece was the huge book I got for myself last Christmas. With a more busy schedule currently, I wondered when and how I was going to read the almost 500-page Christian romance novel but surprisingly, I took two days to read the entire book. Uh-huh! That shows how gripping the story line was.

As usual, Francine Rivers did not disappoint with this novel. The two main characters – Roman Velasco (aka the Bird) was the rich, handsome, famous and accomplished (in the eyes of everyone) artist and Grace Moore – the rather simple, mother of one and a divorcee, who came to seek employment as Velasco’s assistant. Their story gently develops into a simmering romance which none of them was willing to admit to until later in the story. Hell broke loose when Velasco finally proposed in the manner that he was familiar with but sending Grace packing out of his life in the process. Did she come back? If yes, how did it happen? That is why you need to read this book for yourself. 😂

After reading several of Francine Rivers’ books – And the Shofar Blew, The Atonement Child and Scarlet Thread, I’ll definitely vote Velasco as my favourite character. He was affected by experiences from his childhood and that defined who he became as an adult. Even in his ‘raw state,’ I could sense some innocence in his actions. I actually found him very masculine and charming and wouldn’t mind meeting him if he was real. You can say I fell in love with the character. 🙈🙈🙈😏😏😏

Anyway, Francine Rivers always has strong underlying themes in her stories and even though they are entertaining and could be full of suspense, they teach loads of lessons. For instance, the two main characters both had disturbing pasts but were influenced differently by them. This raises the issue of the amount of power we give to past events/experiences and its influences. How do you know whether you are giving the ghosts and shadows from your pasts too much space in your life? This book provides the reader with some insight into this subject.

There are several other lessons that can be taken out of the book including dealing with disappointments, learning to walk away from the people you love for God/the Holy Spirit to work on them, childhood trauma, among others.

The Masterpiece is a beautiful and well-researched story. I like how the past lives of the two main characters were intricately interwoven into the main plot. The reader gets the opportunity to appreciate the life of those in the creative arts, particularly, graffiti artists. The ending, like many Christian novels and the typical Francine Rivers’ style, was very much expected and a little predictable but that did not take away the niceness out of the story. I like it but not as much as I enjoyed And the Shofar Blew.

I will rate it 4.5 out of 5 and recommend it over and over again to anyone looking to read a book full of lessons or just for leisure.

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One Day I met with an Atheist

One day, I met with an atheist
He challenged me
He told me my ‘religion’ wasn’t real
He said Jesus did not exist
Well, not quite
He said Christianity was a form of mental slavery
He questioned the content of the Bible and went ahead to say those stories were fabricated.

He challenged my faith
Step by step
He provided me with reasons
He said the exodus did not happen because scuba divers, after several attempts, had no evidence to it.
He said Christmas was not real and so was Easter
He laughed at me and admonished me to seek enlightenment
He pleaded with me to not follow blindly.

I listened with rapt attention because this was not my first experience with one of this kind.
I once fell into the ditch by allowing one to lead me.
That one succeeded because I started to doubt God’s existence
I decided to rely on me but instead of feeling empowered, wise and knowledgeable
I felt distraught and empty
I was confused.
I felt lost.
I had fallen.

I was locked in a cage.
Nothing made sense and then I decided to do the U-turn
I came back and pleaded for forgiveness.
I sought the presence of the Holy Spirit and vowed never to let go of Him.
The other side wasn’t meant for me
What I needed was His presence, love, grace, goodness and mercy
I found it and was overjoyed.
I prefer to face battles with Him than none without Him.
I have found peace and I won’t be convinced.
Not this time, my friend.
Not this time.

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On Keeping One’s Virginity for the Wedding Night

Facebook groups are becoming popular and an easy way of wasting ones time killing boredom. Different topics are discussed by individuals from all walks of life and people seem very comfortable sharing their opinions quite freely. A question I pounced on in one of the groups read:

The comments underneath the post varied and you’ll be shocked (or not shocked) at the reactions. Majority simply downplayed the importance of keeping one’s virginity. A guy remarked,

“Why should I waste my honeymoon breaking the virginity of my wife. I want to enjoy and not be hearing moans of pain,” 🤷🏾‍♀️

A lot of women also commented they would like to see, know and ‘taste’ their husbands to ensure they loved the size and its ‘power’ before saying ‘I do.’ 👀

It looks like the subject of keeping one’s virginity is archaic, has expired and simply lost its significance, judging from the remarks of the commentators.

It is very disheartening to know that this is the point we’ve gotten to – a place where sex is being dished out like mere handshakes and abstinence means NOTHING at all.

Yes, I agree that marrying as a virgin does not guarantee a successful marriage but even if you use logic to analyze, keeping your virginity saves you so much stress.

If you are woman, for instance:

1. You may not need a menses/ovulation calculating app when you’re not sexually active.

2. When your menses delay for a couple of days, you’re not that frightened because you know you’ve done ‘nothing.’

3. Abortion, sexually transmitted diseases and birth controls are subjects that won’t even matter to you.

4. You can dump that guy because you haven’t done ‘anything’ with them. This helps you to choose the right partner.

5. Your conscience is always clear.

For the men (yes, yes, you must keep your virginity too):

1. You’ll not connive with any woman to go commit abortion because you aren’t ready to have that child, thus, not living with the guilt.

2. In case she keeps the pregnancy, you’ll not be forced to marry her.

3. Your judgments are also not clouded when it comes to selecting a life partner. You can drop her if she does not meet your criteria.

4. Sexually transmitted diseases, birth control methods are not your worries. You’re indeed a ‘free’ man till you get married.

Don’t allow the world to make you believe that keeping your virginity/abstinence means nothing. What is more beautiful than keeping yourselves for each other till after the marriage ceremony.

The Bible even admonishes us that we shouldn’t deceive ourselves because we’ll definitely reap whatever we sow. Freely dishing out sex to everyone will definitely come with its consequences.

If we (both men and women) would stick to what the Bible has instructed, most of the issues we face in our marriages concerning our sexuality, including, making comparisons with our husband and a previous sexual partner will not even come up. Both of you will enjoy your ‘naivety’ and learn what works best.

If you are at a crossroad, trying to decide whether you should keep your virginity of not, take this from someone who abstained, GUARD IT. It’s worth the wait and will save you a lot of trouble. For those who have lost it for whatever reason, don’t be sad and bitter, you can still protect what you have. If you think it’s a challenge keeping it, the Holy Spirit is always there to help you. Let Him know what your difficulties are. He’ll direct you.

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