Can I Write?

Uncertainty is what fills my heart

Confusion clouds my mind

Should I write?

It’s been a while and I doubt if I still have the power

That ability to touch lives with my creativity

To put those thoughts into words and pour it out as I used to

The pressures of life so overwhelming that they make me want to stay away and give more excuses.

When I know I should push myself a little more and create those beautiful pieces.

Procrastination, laziness, lack of time, self-doubt, nobody would miss me – were my justifications.

But I felt the guilt and the envy which prevented me from interacting with other content creators who were still pushing it.

How are they able to create? Even when we are unsure of our level of impact and the level of motivation so low.

Maybe they have super-powers that prevent them from giving up.

Gradually the envy metamorphosed to admiration.

I began to appreciate the tenacity of fellow bloggers who never rest and keep churning beautiful pieces so consistently.

They are the real MVPs

The break was good but deep down, I knew I had to get back to one of the most liberating passions – to create, to write and to touch lives with words.

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God: Can we Have Moment?

It’s a new year.

Another cycle – a fresh start – for some people who have loads of dreams, hopes and aspirations.

Others are confused. They are not sure whether to reduce their expectations, judging from what they experienced last year.

2020 was a little tumultuous, thus, in this new year, we ask for good health for every member of our families, loved ones and even those we do not know.

We pray for wisdom and direction to take each day at a time.

We pray for guidance to know what to do in every situation.

We pray for knowledge to ascertain which voice is yours.

In this new year, please respond to at least one of the most pertinent desires of everyone.

Help us to be good people

Teach us to love one another and to keep our faith in you instead of our abilities.

As you have taken us through a challenging year, we believe this year will be much better.

We trust in you.

The Strength & Beauty of Memories

Memories to cherish

Memories to bury

Memories so heartwarming, unforgettable and ever vivid

Stories that talk about our journey thus far.

The experiential knowledge of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

So special is this memory that it won’t be discarded.

On bended knees, there were tears and the speaking of an unknown tongue. Perhaps, shutting up would make the gift vanish.

In the shop, all alone and the beauty gushing out from deep within.

The day at the altar to say the vows

So special in all sort of ways.

Finally, we’ve found each other and are sealing it.

Looking to forever together.

The forever without challenges.

Don’t they say love will conquer all?

So hopeful were we that nothing would destroy this happiness that we had found.

Good memories which remind us of God’s faithfulness.

How about memories of the mess?

The one that is buried at the bottom of the soul where no one can access.

In the dark, with the man, doing things we know we aren’t supposed to.

Memories so dark we even wish God wouldn’t see. Even if He has seen, we pray He forgets

So shameful we try to bury.

The bad memory?

The day we got so disappointed or sad and wept bitterly.

Why me? Why us? Why him?

This had us casting out all demons and hoped they are only nightmares to which we shall soon wake up from.

Life is a journey and the beautiful gift of memory is what God has given to us.

To remind us of what He has done in the past and would do if we walk with Him.

When we were fearful, He showed up.

When we thought it was difficult, He made it happen.

In our happiest moments, His presence was there with us.

Good or bad, journal those experiences. They will serve a bigger purpose.

No matter how patchy those memories may be, they lead us to God’s bigger plan.

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Time

Time, like change, is a constant in our lives.

It keeps moving whether we’re ready or not.

Time allows for growth.

Time heals wounds.

It provides answers to the most pressing questions while giving us the experience we seek.

Time reveals our true identity and the faces behind the masks we all wear sometimes.

With time, you can either grow rich or poor or, stronger or weaker or, wiser or foolish.

Time can be meaningless without a purpose, plan or prayer.

Patience is the product of time.

With time, expectations are either met or denied.

Do not treat time as if it does not matter, for every second of the day contributes to your life on earth.

Allow time to give you strength, to teach you and to provide you with better perspective to situations.

For indeed, it is only with time that we can all tell.

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A Mum’s Pledge

I vow to be a good mum.

I intend to make you my friend even when you’re too young to understand me.

I’ll do my best to protect you.

I’ll teach you the love of Christ.

I’ll show you the power of prayer.

We shall enjoy each other’s company no matter what.

We’ll have genuine conversations to know each others thoughts and feelings, especially when you’re growing.

No one will hurt you because I’ll be praying for you.

In my capacity, I’ll provide for you but I’ll allow you to explore.

When you disappoint me, I’ll let you know but I’ll forgive. Learn to do likewise.

I’ll use my experiences as a beacon to teach you about life.

I’ll make time to know you and all that concerns you.

I’ll teach you to love people.

I’ll not downplay your purpose, talent and personality.

I’ll not mar your dreams, instead I’ll help you to fulfill them.

When it’s time to fly out, I won’t stop you.

You’ll excel in all that you do because I’ll continually pray for you with all my heart.

So help me God.

Shall We Dance?

Take my hands

Slowly walk me to the centre of the room

Where the tune is the loudest

And the only thing that will matter will be two hearts.

Let your right arm rest on the small of my back

And your left on my neck

Let’s sway to the beautiful melody

Allow the rhythm to dictate to our bodies

Let’s recreate the memory of our first time

The song makes it feel like it

My knees are jerky and my palms sweaty

Hold me tight

Let’s waltz, tango and do the salsa

I may seem to have two left feet

With you, it doesn’t matter

Let’s continue swaying to the rhythm

To the tunes meant for only lovers

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Why I write…

I feel there is a voice in my head and it frantically wants to be heard  read.

It is the director of the movie and I, the actress

It whispers to me when it sees prompts.

It dictates how the story should go.

It is the conductor of the choir.

The voice uses my fingers to put stuff on paper and the words jump at me even.

The voice is that extrovert author, always wanting to be heard and seen and I, the introvert.

It literally forces me to write because this voice desperately wants to be heard read.

I am not that voice. That voice only uses me.

Blame that voice when you dislike what you read.

Embrace the voice if you like the content.

For it is the views of the voice that you see and read. Not mine.

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I Wish…

How I wish I could hold you 
To provide you with the comfort that you need
To tell you everything is going to be alright 
But that seems impossible

I wish I could embrace you
To assure you that I understand
That I've been through a similar experience
But the circumstances are dissimilar

I wish I could be by your side
To hold your hands and look into your eyes
To assess if indeed you are telling the truth
when you say you're fine

I wish I could give you all that you need
To replace all that you've lost
In order to ease the pain 
But I know that wouldn't bring her back

Life has a way of dealing with us on individual bases
To unleash the strength that lies within
and time has the power to heal us
of wounds, hurts and troubles

My wishes will be the words of my prayer 
That God gives you the healing, strength and respite 
that you desire to navigate these hard times
For this is all I'm capable of.

Today marks Day 11 of the 21 day blog challenge and it’s a free day (no blog topic) and I thought of writing this piece to a dear friend who lost her mum a few weeks ago.

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An Ode of Gratitude

Lungs.Ear.Nose.Throat.
A miracle, if they function.
For which I am grateful.

Love.Joy.Peace.Hope.
Almost impossible to have now.
But full is mine.

Husband.Child.Family.Friends.
All under partial lock down.
Yet not socially apart.  

Job.Income.Great boss.
People losing these
But my case is different. 

God.Prayer.Worship.Church. 
We'd have lost our minds
But you've kept us sane.

Science.Medicine.Technology.Government.
Taking the hard decisions now.
To you, we are grateful. 

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

No situation is permanent, a popular saying directed to the hopeless to give them hope. 
Unfortunately, its implication transcends to the good situation as well. 
The bad may not last so is the good, in some cases.  

When enjoying the good, the demeanor and fervent wish is for it to last forever but that does not always happen.
The good sometimes gives way to the bad and even the ugly. 

There are times that the bad feels like a dark cloud. 
They swallow the good and suddenly, the young dies or the old gets sick; limps are amputated and the once vibrant breadwinner loses his daily income.The situation gets real ugly.

Instances like these break our hearts and we ask when they will end. 
We pray earnestly but sometimes the prayers seem to hit the roof and fall back onto our heads. 
The days become longer during the bad and ugly days and the future may seem bleak.

The same way the good situations give way to real bad and ugly ones,
bad and ugly situations also give way to the good and beautiful.
For there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

The situation may currently look real bad but something beautiful is springing forth. Keep the faith and don't lose hope!

This is the fifth of the 21-day lock down blogging challenge and the subject is The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.’ After researching, I found that ‘The Good, The Bad and the Ugl’y is the title of a movie released in the 60s. Honestly, I don’t know what this challenge wants us to write about but I hope I did a good job, though.

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