Our 3rd Wedding Anniversary and the 3 Lessons We’ve Learnt

19th December marked our wedding anniversary. Last year, I wrote a letter to my husband to mark our second anniversary but this year, we (my husband and I) would like to share three lessons we have discovered in the three years of being married. Please find my (Delali’s) lessons first: ☟

Lesson 1: Different Prayer Dynamics Needed for Marriage’s Success

I have never underestimated the importance of prayer to the success of every marriage but I discovered sometime last year that I had relegated personal prayer time to the background and was depending solely on my husband’s and family’s prayer times. This can happen to any family, particularly, if the head of the household is a strong Christian and you have regular family praying times. It, however, occurred to me that I needed to pray in order to become a better wife, a better mum and I needed to pray to commit my own ambitions into God’s hands. Yes, it is very important to pray as a family unit but it is also necessary to have your own prayer and quiet times. God may have words for you as you go on your knees to pray for you and your family.

Secondly, I knew where I wanted to be for instance, in my career, before I met my husband. He also had his own ambitions and dreams and marriage became that intercession for both of us. Even though we work hard to accommodate each other’s goals, sometimes it becomes challenging. In such instances, instead of praying selfish prayers of binding and losing when it is time to make sacrifices or accept my husband’s dreams (the very difficult ones) I rather pray for the ability to accept those changes and for God’s will to be done for the family.

Lesson 2: It is Possible to Do Everything and be Successful at it as a Mother and a Wife

Uh-huh! It is very much possible to achieve everything. 😊 Let me use me as an example, I am a mother of a two-year-old without any help, I do an 8 am – 4 pm and before that I went back to school (while pregnant). I manage the Social Media platforms for my church and currently leading a team to gather content for its magazine which will come out next year. I have this blog and its social media platforms to manage which I feed with original content and I am a WIFE😊. How do I combine these? I sacrifice a lot of sleep and I have a supportive husband. I also plan ahead of time and sleep a lot when I realise my body needs it. Do I get overwhelmed at times? Yes, I do and when that happens, I turn off my data and throw my phone away. I am strongly convicted that the world doesn’t wait for anyone because they are a wife or a mother. It is even tougher for us but no one should make excuses. We can be successful in every area of our lives. All things are possible – Matthew 19:26

Lesson 3: Sex in Movies are a Scam

Raise your hands if you believed having sex could as spontaneous and effortless as how we saw in movies or read from books while growing up. Don’t be deceived. Sex in marriage and, particularly, if you have a toddler involves a lot of strategies and tactics (blog post for another day). And if you have to combine that with the various roles you need to play, then it becomes very challenging and requires more effort than what is seen in movies.

Those are the three lessons I (Delali) have picked up so far. Below is my husband's (Emmanuel) perspective on the three years of our marriage:

Our 3rd wedding anniversary: What I have learnt so far – Emmanuel

  1. To have success in marriage, for me, has always been about following the principles outlined in the Bible. I’d often impress on her (Delali) that our wedding vows meant so much to me than her because the day it loses its value, she also loses value (take a second look at your wedding vow). The years spent together have been awesome during which I have mostly been occupied with giving my life for her because I love her (Don’t get it twisted; read Ephesians 5:25). Nothing short of seeing her smile and beam with joy. I gave, I am giving and would give. If you don’t give as a husband, “Wetin you gain”. Cheers to many more years of giving. (Editor’s Remarks: I can attest. Indeed, this man is a giver🤣).
  2. Delali epitomizes submission. (Editor’s Remarks:😑) For a woman like her, I would move heaven to make her happy ( I think I’m doing well so far). She never calls me ‘me wura’ (My Lord) but makes me feel like one. No man would exchange this for anything in this world (at least I won’t). I remember saying jokingly (after watching a Nigerian movie) that I won’t eat stale food in my house. ‘Like joke like joke’ (let me sound like a Ghanaian small) she cooks fresh food every day. Hardly do we eat stored food. How she does it I don’t know.
  3. Then we welcomed Lady Charis. The adorable young lady who turned two recently. Her introduction was met with mixed emotions (at least for me). Routines changed, sleep patterns were altered amongst others. Man know thyself, as intimated by the Bible (Psalm 31:7) just hit me (a story for another day). Our lives changed, however, we have been able to manage it well, steering our affairs in the right direction and maintaining the original purpose of marriage.
So there you have it. Here are some lessons we have learned in our three years of marriage. Are you married? What are some of the lessons you have picked up? Do you intend to get married soon? What are your expectations? Share with us in the comment box.

To my Husband on our Second Wedding Anniversary 

When you had chicken pox on the eve of our wedding day, I knew our marriage had begun on an interesting note. Yes, we missed our honeymoon because you had to recover from that condition but looking back now, I know it was all of God’s plans.

Several counsellors and marriage books predict that the first few years of marriage are the most difficult but I’m glad to say that we are bent on proving them wrong. You keep saying that our story should be different and our marriage should be seen in God’s eye and not from the world’s system.

Even though we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, God has been amazing to us. We always manage to pull through challenges and are able to look back with a suitcase full of lessons. I can confidently say my faith in God has increased tremendously because of our marriage and my association with you.

I now understand why counsellors place so much emphasis on developing friendships before jumping into marriage. I also understand the power and the role of communication in marriages. I’m certain that friendship and good communication are directly related. In fact, they are Siamese Twins. 😁 There is also the important role of praying, compromising and sacrificing.

I try to evaluate our marriage from time to time to ascertain if that feeling of ‘love’ is still there. The one with the butterflies fluttering at the bottom of your tummy. Yeah, I do feel it at times but I think my definition and feeling of love has changed over the years. It is now deeper and currently includes being more patient, tolerant, understanding and choosing words more carefully.

Being your supportive wife is also my definition of this new love which sometimes includes trying to educate myself on what is happening in the medical field in order to have meaningful conversations with you. In subsequent years, I hope to fall in love with Manchester United and the guy called Lukaku to the point that when he scores, I will have the urge to jubilate. I also hope to love the EPL, UEFA Champions League (didn’t even know they were two different leagues 😂) and all the other leagues in the world (Spanish, Italian, Chinese etc ). What I also hope to find bearable in the coming years is that Sunday afternoon live commentary on Citi FM.

It’s been two great years and I’m glad we chose each other for this journey. I strongly believe the next couple of years will be super amazing with God being our guide.

With so much love on this special day,

Your one and only sweetheart,

Dela.

Celebrating Christmas in Ghanaian Style 

The weather becomes dry and hazy, and there is a high demand for shea butter and other oil-based creams to keep the skin moist.

Christmas carols are sung on the radio and there is this infectious excitement which is transmitted from the presenters to listeners. The exhilaration in the atmosphere with everyone looking forward to the new year with hope and anticipation cannot be missed.

The Pentatonix music group captures almost all the television stations with their acapella renditions of the Christmas carols. Christmas-themed movies are also shown to keep everyone in high spirits.

Business owners do not cease to remind us of the season too. On both traditional and social media, giveaways are organized and those that take advantage of them, smile into the period. Others give discounts to their goods and services, in order to clear them or rather, be a blessing to their customers.

Many corporate bodies organise end-of-year dinners, awards and parties during this season and if you are daring, you could attend some of these events (without invitation) and enjoy some free food and dance to some good tunes.

Individuals, organisations and other bodies take it upon themselves to raise funds to help the poor, needy, orphans and widows in the society. One of them is currently being organised by p31 woman . They are taking usable items and would be selling them at the Efua Sutherland Children’s Park on January 6th, 2018. The proceeds will be going to five different charities specialised in meeting the needs of children, therefore if you have any items gathering dust on your shelf, you could give them a call.

Another trend also, is the endless wedding invitations one is bound to receive during this period. Is it possible that couples wait until this period to get married in order to show their spouses to God right before the new year? (You tell me.)

In our churches, the decor is changed to commemorate the season – white, red and green themes are visible everywhere and huge Christmas trees with beautiful lights are mounted. Church services are organised where the scriptures are read and carols sang to reminisce about the birth of Jesus Christ who is the reason for the season. Apart from that, programmes designed to bring families together are also organised by most churches.

Families also spend time together since most schools and organizations break during this season. Most homes smell of good food and other savories in anticipation of visits from other family members and friends. Do not be amazed to find food items which are usually not purchased sitting in homes during the Christmas season.

How do you normally spend Christmas? Share your Christmas tradition (s) with us 😊

The Hard Truth about Marriage 

“Marriage is an encounter. How many couples would agree with me?” Pastor Fiifi Otabi Wilson of ICGC Faith Temple asked in his sermon on Sunday, May 28, 2017.

The cheers from the married couples in the auditorium were enough to confirm that marriage is more than a bed of roses but a real ‘encounter.’ Some of us are not too old in this encounter (just a little over a year and a half) but we can attest to the fact that marriage is a lot more than what meets the eye.

Most married couples, when given the opportunity, would definitely not settle for the people they are living with. If there was a petition which allowed them about a year’s orientation of marriage before they finally make the decision, there would be a lot of signatures and I’m sure some people would not even get married after the first year.🤣

Marriage is indeed a classroom on its own. It is a course by itself but a lot of married couples love to show the beautiful aspect of it, especially on social media (that’s fine). Just like every media form, we are selective about how our marriages should be perceived. Nobody would let you see the challenging aspect of marriage but when I am approached by my friends and asked the famous question, “Oh, so how is married life?” I tell you the truth, unlike most Christians who would only smile and say, “Oh, it’s wonderful.”

In my opinion, young people who are yet to sign these agreements deserve some exposition on marriage. When this question is posed to me, I like to be as real as possible. I don’t pretend. I clear my throat and say, “my friend, it isn’t a joke. If you know you love to be by yourself, in love with your sleep and love your simple lifestyle, then marriage is not your thing,” I say to them.

“You better stay in your parents’ house or rent your apartment and be by yourself oo. Do not worry yourself or someone’s child by getting married to them because this institution is hard work,” I add.

Marriage is a period in life where the couples are stretched on all sides – your patience, hard work, Godliness and every aspect is tested. No wonder, the congregation agreed with Pastor Wilson that marriage is an encounter. The institution has its own requirements which include being a manager of resources – money, time, people (yes, your in-laws are waiting for you particularly if you are Ghanaian). This would go a long way in defining how the union turns out.

Seek Godly counsel. It’s very important. Do not write off some counselors because they do not speak your kind of language. Listen to them all and select what is useful before you settle with a partner because, for us Christians, divorce is mostly not an option. It is after you marry, that is when you realize the importance of the premarital counselling (even though during that period, our main concern was the wedding ceremony 😞 ).

All is not gloomy if both of you share the same faith because God is always available to provide us with the help that we need, for He is our shepherd. This is when you begin to understand the importance of marrying someone who is a friend.

Before you go to the altar to say your vows, remember to invest a lot of prayers in the decision you have made for the journey is indeed a long one. And as my mother keeps saying, there is no vacation in marriage 🙂

This
post was put together by Delali Sogah. 

The Marriage Series: Weddings

I would be a liar if I mentioned I wasn’t a big fan of marriage and wedding ceremonies. Wedding ceremonies are beautiful. I always get blown away by the colour combinations, the decor, the music, the bride’s dress, the bridal party and all that there is to the ceremony. Personally, I attend weddings to watch how the couple celebrate their love and my most favorite part of the ceremony is when the couple share with the guests how they met 🙂

Weddings are fun, no doubt about that. It is the period where family and friends gather to celebrate the union of a man and woman who have come to the conclusion they would want to spend their lives together. It is awesome but in the celebration of love, a lot of couples get carried away. They forget about the union and make the ceremony their main focus.

Interestingly, marriage is NOT the wedding ceremony. Neither is it the pomp and pageantry that accompanies the ceremony. According to renowned counselors, the wedding ceremony is the vows that are made by the couple in the presence of God, with the guests as the witnesses to the vow.

I am not saying spending money on the ceremony is not important. If you have the money and you can afford to feed the entire town during your wedding, why not? Just do it but if you are a young couple from a humble background with other dreams which requires money, then a smaller wedding is best option for you.

Couples who had small and very intimate marriage ceremonies provide the following tips:

1. Stick to your budget, no matter what”

2. Do not announce to the world you are getting married so you cut down on the numbers that attend.

3. Do not entertain too many opinions. They are likely to inflate your budget.

Keep these tips in mind when preparing for your wedding ceremony. There are other websites that provide additional information, tools and tips on how to reduce your budget when organizing a wedding ceremony. One of such sites is Pinterest .

Christian Blog Ghana

Instead of breaking the bank to organize a huge wedding, why don’t you invest some time into some “hot” prayers for the union itself? A couple getting married in September are are doing one of the most amazing things ever. The couple with their bridal party meet once in a week to commit the ceremony and union into the hands of God.

God is the architect of marriage. In Genesis 2:18, after He had created Adam, He saw that Adam was alone therefore created a helper (Eve) for him. If you have plans to tying the knot, why don’t you start putting everything into the hands of God, the one who initiated the union?