19th December marked our wedding anniversary. Last year, I wrote a letter to my husband to mark our second anniversary but this year, we (my husband and I) would like to share three lessons we have discovered in the three years of being married. Please find my (Delali’s) lessons first: ☟
Lesson 1: Different Prayer Dynamics Needed for Marriage’s Success
I have never underestimated the importance of prayer to the success of every marriage but I discovered sometime last year that I had relegated personal prayer time to the background and was depending solely on my husband’s and family’s prayer times. This can happen to any family, particularly, if the head of the household is a strong Christian and you have regular family praying times. It, however, occurred to me that I needed to pray in order to become a better wife, a better mum and I needed to pray to commit my own ambitions into God’s hands. Yes, it is very important to pray as a family unit but it is also necessary to have your own prayer and quiet times. God may have words for you as you go on your knees to pray for you and your family.
Secondly, I knew where I wanted to be for instance, in my career, before I met my husband. He also had his own ambitions and dreams and marriage became that intercession for both of us. Even though we work hard to accommodate each other’s goals, sometimes it becomes challenging. In such instances, instead of praying selfish prayers of binding and losing when it is time to make sacrifices or accept my husband’s dreams (the very difficult ones) I rather pray for the ability to accept those changes and for God’s will to be done for the family.
Lesson 2: It is Possible to Do Everything and be Successful at it as a Mother and a Wife
Uh-huh! It is very much possible to achieve everything. 😊 Let me use me as an example, I am a mother of a two-year-old without any help, I do an 8 am – 4 pm and before that I went back to school (while pregnant). I manage the Social Media platforms for my church and currently leading a team to gather content for its magazine which will come out next year. I have this blog and its social media platforms to manage which I feed with original content and I am a WIFE😊. How do I combine these? I sacrifice a lot of sleep and I have a supportive husband. I also plan ahead of time and sleep a lot when I realise my body needs it. Do I get overwhelmed at times? Yes, I do and when that happens, I turn off my data and throw my phone away. I am strongly convicted that the world doesn’t wait for anyone because they are a wife or a mother. It is even tougher for us but no one should make excuses. We can be successful in every area of our lives. All things are possible – Matthew 19:26
Lesson 3: Sex in Movies are a Scam
Raise your hands if you believed having sex could as spontaneous and effortless as how we saw in movies or read from books while growing up. Don’t be deceived. Sex in marriage and, particularly, if you have a toddler involves a lot of strategies and tactics (blog post for another day). And if you have to combine that with the various roles you need to play, then it becomes very challenging and requires more effort than what is seen in movies.
Those are the three lessons I (Delali) have picked up so far. Below is my husband's (Emmanuel) perspective on the three years of our marriage:
Our 3rd wedding anniversary: What I have learnt so far – Emmanuel
- To have success in marriage, for me, has always been about following the principles outlined in the Bible. I’d often impress on her (Delali) that our wedding vows meant so much to me than her because the day it loses its value, she also loses value (take a second look at your wedding vow). The years spent together have been awesome during which I have mostly been occupied with giving my life for her because I love her (Don’t get it twisted; read Ephesians 5:25). Nothing short of seeing her smile and beam with joy. I gave, I am giving and would give. If you don’t give as a husband, “Wetin you gain”. Cheers to many more years of giving. (Editor’s Remarks: I can attest. Indeed, this man is a giver🤣).
- Delali epitomizes submission. (Editor’s Remarks:😑) For a woman like her, I would move heaven to make her happy ( I think I’m doing well so far). She never calls me ‘me wura’ (My Lord) but makes me feel like one. No man would exchange this for anything in this world (at least I won’t). I remember saying jokingly (after watching a Nigerian movie) that I won’t eat stale food in my house. ‘Like joke like joke’ (let me sound like a Ghanaian small) she cooks fresh food every day. Hardly do we eat stored food. How she does it I don’t know.
- Then we welcomed Lady Charis. The adorable young lady who turned two recently. Her introduction was met with mixed emotions (at least for me). Routines changed, sleep patterns were altered amongst others. Man know thyself, as intimated by the Bible (Psalm 31:7) just hit me (a story for another day). Our lives changed, however, we have been able to manage it well, steering our affairs in the right direction and maintaining the original purpose of marriage.
So there you have it. Here are some lessons we have learned in our three years of marriage. Are you married? What are some of the lessons you have picked up? Do you intend to get married soon? What are your expectations? Share with us in the comment box.
The Christian Blog 
Congratulations! Beautiful lessons 🙏
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Thank you very much. I get inspiration from your blog too. 😀
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Great post. I can relate to many of the lessons you’ve learned over the years. My husband and I have been together 10 years and will be celebrating 4 years of marriage in March. The biggest lesson I think we’ve learned is to let God be God. What I mean by that is individually we have our relationship with God and then as a family, we have our relationship with Him. Kind of like you stated about your individual prayer time. I had to learn that my walk with God won’t always resemble my husband’s walk with God. So we don’t impose on each other’s intimate time with the Lord. If there is something that I don’t agree with I go to God and trust he’ll reveal to me how to communicate with my spouse. Like you said, He shows me how to be a better wife. Even though we are one in marriage we still allow each other to grow individually in our respective purpose. We’ve found a grove. Love the post. Happy Anniversary. Many blessings to your family.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. I’ve been smiling while reading it. It goes to confirm what I believe in my 💓 and I’m definitely on the right path then. God bless you and your family. Looking forward to your anniversary in March. 🤗
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Congratulations to you, Delali and Dr Sogah. More grace to you both for the journey ahead.
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Thank you very much. I do appreciate it. I’ll be reaching out to you soon for a collaboration 😁
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wow, lovely lessons there
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Thank you for reading and picking these lessons. 😊
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I couldn’t help laughing, smiling and contemplating the lessons you and Emma have shared; reading through Emma’s have given me a new insight into his personality and values ( speaking as a sister of the husband, Dr. Sogah).
One lesson I can relate to is the power of prayer. I learned early on to not substitute our family devotion time for my individual time with God. This approach has been a great blessing in my life as I relearn my role as a child of God within the context of marriage.
In relating to the ‘ups and downs’ of marriage, I would like to share that grace from above is such a powerful tool to have in your arsenal in overcoming and achieving strides in marriage. I quite remember one faithful evening, very tired after work, standing in the kitchen with the intent to prepare dinner. I was so worn out the thought of picking up the phone and ordering take out was irresistible ( I had vowed to be the kind of wife who cooks fresh meals from scratch on a daily basis, which is no easy feat especially in a culture where such a commitment is unheard of or considered archaic and where eating out is more reasonable and in vogue). I found myself praying while standing in the kitchen for grace to not only make dinner that evening but also grace to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, who effortless carries out her duties without complaining.
I can say confidently that I no longer find cooking after 8-10 hour workday a chore and nuisance but rather do it effortless. Who says we can’t pray for grace for challenges related to our activities of daily living ( I consider cooking as one of them, speaking as someone who used to cook once a week as a single woman to cooking daily as a married woman lol).
Anyways, thank you for the post. I have enjoyed reading it as I did the others. God bless you and happy anniversary. Praying for many more lovely years ahead.
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Wow, Sis-in-law. 🤗
First of all, I think you should be featured on the blog soon. 😊 I’m also glad to read about how praying changed your attitude towards cooking on a workdays. Some people can’t believe I wake up at 4am on weekdays to ensure my family get to eat warm and healthy meals. I love doing that and that period has turned to my personal prayer time.
As you said, it’s all about grace and I love that bit too. We are still learning and I believe it’s only prayer that can take us through this journey of marriage.
PS: Thanks for your comment and please start thinking of a blog topic because I’ll be reaching out to you soon 😊
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Happy Anniversary! Getting married is easy, staying married is work! I have been married almost six years and one of the biggest things I’ve learned is communication is key. You have to communicate with your spouse honestly and transparently. You two are in this together and only you and God can make it work.
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Yes. Communication is one important key to the success of every marriage because both of you are in it together. You’ve done almost six years of marriage? Wow! That’s amazing. Cheers to more happy years! 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
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Awesome post with so much transparency. You’re my dad’s favourite blog writer! He’s been married for 30 years and he thinks this is fantastic. Congratulations on your anniversary, Dr. & Mrs. Sogah!
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Symie💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
Please thank your dad for me. I’m grateful. Tell him he’s one of the reasons I keep writing 😁
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Awesome post with so much transparency. Congratulations on your anniversary Dr & Mrs Sogah!
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Thank you very much 🤗
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