Me? A Pastor’s Wife? Never…

Dear Kwesi Broni,

I have been thinking about the conversation we had about a week ago. The one concerning the revelation the mighty prophet had about you – that you were going to be a p-a-s-t-o-r. Yes, that revelation! I told you I was going to think about it. I have thought through it very well, so, below is my response:

Kwesi B., I don’t want to be rude but just take a critical look at me. When you had your vision, did you see me as your wife? Or did the prophet announce to you that I was going to be your ‘Osofo Maame?’ You know I am very popular and don’t have a problem when it comes to receiving love proposals from men. Even as we speak, I have about four pending ones, which I’m reviewing. I decided to give you a chance not because you are the richest or the coolest dude, but, I just did. Did you know you were still on probation all this while? But you have already failed as a result of our last conversation. Anyway, the chance I gave you has expired. I am no longer interested in our ‘assumed’ relationship.

How can you consider me, Akosua Darling, as a pastor’s wife? I am not saying I am above that role because I know some beautiful wives of pastors. Oh, or you are thinking of starving me to death, eh? Kwesi, that won’t happen oo, that wouldn’t happen! If you are looking for someone to fast and pray for the needs of your congregation, why me? Please look for that person that you want to put on a perpetual diet for members of your congregation. As for me, Akosua Darling, I don’t think I have the capacity to intercede for some church members who may even end up gossiping about me. Even as I type this note, I have directed the new pastor, whose church is down the street, the one who advertises on the radio. Yes, that one. I have asked him to fast and pray for me. For your information, I have paid quite a hefty amount for him to achieve the results that I am seeking. Fasting is not one of my favourite hobbies.

Sorry. I digress. So how did I come to mind when you thought of somebody who was going to partner you in your ministry? I have told you several times that as a pastor’s daughter, coupled with what I have seen and experienced, I have vowed never to date, not to talk of marrying a pastor. Why? You think I wouldn’t like to see my husband on a daily or at least, a regular basis? Unlike my mum, who stayed with my dad even though he was absent almost 3/4th of our lives, I wouldn’t like to raise my children alone while you tour Papua New Guinea, Malaysia, Greenland, among others, all in the name of winning souls. I want to close from work, drive to the house to come and meet my husband, so, we have a hearty conversation. I want my husband to be part of my everyday life.

“Akos, if you want to give me a heart attack, then bring a prospective fiance with pastoral ambitions to this house,” my mother has already warned me and you know I am not a disobedient child.

Oh. Did I ever mention to you how some of my friends and I take long looks at our pastor’s wife? In fact, we assess her every day. We know she likes to wear funny shoes and her attire is someway. Her hairstyle, nowadays, makes her look older and we’ve concluded it’s because her husband is never around to compliment her. The other pastor’s wife too, we think she simply overdresses, wears too much makeup and is competing with us, the young ones. She never likes to cover her hair but fixes weave that some of us cannot even afford. What makes you think she is not sponsoring herself with our offertory and tithes?

Eii! and the way some church members can also demand their daily upkeep from pastors? You have been a witness to that eh? They come for their rent, transport fare and school fees from pastors. This implies that our small earning will be used to alleviate poverty among members of your congregation. So I wouldn’t only share you with your members but my money will become the church’s money. Don’t think I am selfish, I only like to protect what is rightfully mine.

So Kwesi B., do you want me to stand behind you in posters and billboards? How can you think of such a thing? Me? Akosua Darling, on a large billboard near the Motorway, standing behind my husband and inviting people to ‘our church.’ I was seriously considering you as a husband but your plans, for me and our future, are making me cry. I want to live a quiet life, probably get married to a rich man but not to someone who will be at the mercy of his congregation and everyone. I wouldn’t know what I will do when people discuss you on traditional and social media. Do you think I don’t see how some people describe pastors and Christians on Facebook? You know I can’t pretend. I may descend to their level and make myself dirty and I know I will be in the trends forever so you, let’s call this relationship off.

In the future, I may come and support your ministry when I am wealthy. Don’t see me as selfish and greedy. In fact, you should thank God I am not being pretentious. You should pay me for my frankness (you can put that in the offertory bowl on Sunday).

However, please read this portion of my letter carefully (you can read it aloud like a confession):

I, Kwesi Broni, will never, ever mention to anyone that Akosua Darling and I were ever in a relationship. I will never get in touch with her again and I won’t even bother to respond to this letter. I am removing her number from my phone contacts. I am unfriending her on Facebook and unfollowing her on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. In fact, starting now, I have deleted her from my memory. I consider her as my forgotten ex and our relationship, dissolved. Dead. Caput. Buried. Drowned in the deepest part of the ocean. I wish her the best in her future endeavours. So help me God!

Thank you for your time. I don’t look forward to hearing from you ever again.

Your ‘dead’ ‘drowned’ and forgotten ex,

Akosua Darling.

Disclaimer: This is purely fictional and does not represent the views of the writer.

Glossary

Osofo Maame: Wife of a Pastor

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5 Actions that Kill Relationships

For the past couple of weeks, we have been describing various ways of building relationships. While we build them up, it is important to keep in mind that there are certain actions that can also kill these relationships. Below are five such killers:

1. Introducing your partner to everyone in the early stages: In their excitement, a number of couples announce their relationships too quickly to the world which isn’t a bad idea but the best thing to do is to build the foundations properly before introducing yourselves to friends, family, work colleagues, etc. The more you introduce third parties, the more you open the relationship to varied opinions which may be contrary to what you saw in each other. You may second guess and that could be disastrous for your relationship.

2. Announcing on social media: One of the deadliest actions which kills relationships is this. We know we must have faith as Christians but changing your relationship status or the display or profile photos to your partner’s does nothing but attract attention to you and your partner. What if you announce on social media and the relationship does not go as planned? As much as possible, let us keep our relationships to ourselves. They are private and not meant for the world.

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3. Avoiding early warnings: Most of the time when we fall in love, our brains go on vacation 🙂 We avoid all the signs and allow our hearts to lead us. This guy is not generous; everything he acquires is for him. The lady spends all the money she acquires on clothes and make-up. You know you would have preferred the opposite but you are allowing your heart to lead you. These signs develop to something different and they kill relationships.

4. Not investing in the relationship: Building a relationship requires time, money and creativity. If you know you do not want to invest in any of these then don’t start one. You need to spend time with each other and on each other. The Bible mentions that in Proverbs 21:26the righteous gives and does not hold back.

5. Fornication: Most young people quickly give in to sex in the relationship. Guilt from the encounter normally kills what has been developed earlier. Having sex also takes away the innocence of the couple. Sex is addictive;  it has the power to take away a lot of things from the relationship including the time that the couple spend discussing and planning for the future. In 1 Corinthians 6:18, the Bible warns, Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.

Resources that Make Christian Relationships Work in Ghana

It’s been an awesome week for us here at Christian Blog Ghana. We appreciate the support and the “likes” that we’ve been receiving on our Facebook page. We hope the love we have received will extend to real testimonies and articles from you, our cherished readers.

Just as we are taken to school to acquire knowledge or read books to broaden our intellect, it is also wise to acquire knowledge in the field of relationships. It is amazing how much time and money we invest in our looks, clothes, food, other books among others but never spend any time seeking information on starting and keeping relationships, Proverb 19:2 says. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” This is the reason we should seek knowledge as believers.

We may desire to have lasting relationships with the opposite sex but if we do not make time to learn about how it is done, then our relationships will not last.

As Christians, where can we seek the right information which will us build our relationships?

Books and Tapes – There are several books written by different authors on this subject. A lot of Ghanaian pastors and counselors have written books and recorded tapes on this subject. A few of them include Bishop Dag Heward Mills, Elder Amos Kevin Annan, Reverend Dr. Samuel Kissiedu and many more. If you are seeking books written by authors who are not Ghanaians, then look for Myles Munroe’s “Waiting and Dating.” There are several others by T.D Jakes. Just visit a good Christian bookshop and you will have a wide array to select from.

Radio and Television Programmes –  Helpers of our Joy is a relationship and marriage counseling programme which airs on Sweet Melodies 97.3 FM on weekdays from 9-10 pm. The programme features renowned marriage counselors who provide biblical insight into your relationship.

Mama Cathy also features on Sunny Fm 88.7 FM every Sunday at 9-11pm in a show dubbed Echoes of Hope Radio Broadcast. On Saturdays, after the 6 am news on Joy 99.7 FM, Edem Knight-Tay and her team discuss relationship and marriage issues on Home Affairs.

Counselor Luderodt is also one of the most vibrant counselors in the country at the moment. He features on several programmes both on radio and television.

Events

If you do not mind spending time with students at the University of Ghana then there are several events in relationships in that institution. What you need to do is to keep your ears wide opened and you will hear about them.

There are other events in other churches that you can attend. Just keep an open ear.

Have you been reading on the subject of relationships? What is your favorite book or programme on relationships, which you would readily recommend to anybody? Do share!