Death – The Christian Blog

Musings of a Lady in her mid-30’s

One day when I woke up, I was in my mid-thirties. Where did the time go and how did I get here so quickly? I was excited when I turned 30 but from then until now, I think the time has flown by pretty fast. This is a rude reawakening that 25 years from now, I will be retiring from active work and a decade from that I will be in my 70s. I am so certain that that will also happen within a twinkle of an eye if careful planning and intentionality are not introduced into this journey we call life.

Although my spirit and soul do not feel old at all, I sense that various experiences (both good and bad) are determining my approach towards life currently. In the past, I had this strong conviction that I needed to be there for people but recently, that notion has changed. My true dependents are, perhaps, my daughters and I do not doubt that even if I am not here on earth, they will still do well. Nobody’s ability to live, survive or thrive is solely dependent on me. When people die, no matter how painful it is, we always find a way of moving on and soon, these dear people become memories. I sometimes go through my wedding photos which were taken almost ten (10) years ago and I realise how some of the people, we held very dear to our hearts, have left us. I can imagine what looking at those photos in the next couple of years will feel like. Whether we like it or not, a lot of the images in the album will be mere memories. These were people we thought we could never say goodbye to. Yet, after a few months or years, we can talk about them without the initial associated pain. We are even able to go days and months without thinking about them. This realisation has been sad and refreshing at the same time and it is helping me choose activities I want to indulge in. In my mid-30s and beyond, I want to be conserving my energy and directing them towards the things that truly matter.

I have had an epiphany that there may not be a truly innocent, good, liked-by-all corpse/cadaver (lol) – I will explain. I am sure by the time you turn 35, you may have stepped on the toes of several people – intentionally and unintentionally. In some cases, you may have meant it for good but the acceptability rate from the recipient may not be what you had envisioned. I am so certain that by the time I retire from active work maybe in my 60s, I will have broken a very good number of friendships and relationships. I had never regarded myself as a mean person but in recent times, I feel that may only my notion. Currently, I am beginning to accept that I will not be that sweet, beautiful person who will be described in my biography. When that story of my life is being read on the day I am being laid to rest, some people will be reminded of when I stepped on their toes or when I ignored them or the time I was not able to give in to their request. I cannot change the perception that people have about me and I am slowly accepting that reality.

Thirdly, life must be lived with intentionality or else by time you blink, a decade has passed. Do not fault the people who have 10-year or 20-year plans for their lives. At this point, I admire those who have lofty dreams and are doing all they can to achieve them. I am certain that God has the final say but I also know that He has granted everyone a purpose for their lives. When you find that purpose, make sure to run with it. Do not be afraid to set goals and have dreams for your lives. That deliberate element must be introduced to every aspect of our lives.

How old are you now? Are there any realisations that you have made about life in totality? Share them with us.

No Tears for Mike

When his dad died, mum thought taking care of him and his little sister would be a big problem and when dad’s brother adopted him, another relative took his sister away too. Mum assured him that was for the best and Mike believed her.

The uncle who took him away was well-to-do and all he needed was a ‘son’ who would eventually take over his business. His wife hadn’t succeeded in giving him the son he had always dreamed of. Every seed from his loins resulted in females – all five of them and Mike seemed to be the answer to his prayer. He was going to be trained to take over Uncle’s empire.

Mike did not have enough time to mourn his dad – the man who had been strong, his role model. Thanks to mum and the uncle who never ceased promising him heaven on earth, he will never mourn his dad.

Being separated from his sister and mum was hard to bear. Be tough, his uncle kept repeating. You are a man and must be strong. It’s only girls who cry thus, Mike tried to hide his tears for the dad he had lost and his sister and his mum. In just two weeks, he was encouraged to forget about them for they belonged to his past.

He tried to be tough, just as his uncle wanted him to be. He tried to be respectful also. He wanted to love his new sisters but all that was met with a lot of resistance. His new sisters and their mum eyed him suspiciously. To them, Mike was just a gold-digger who had been sent to take over their dad’s business. They never saw him for the 12-year old boy that he was.

After four years of living with his uncle, he no longer remembered his mum or sister. Neither did he dwell on memories of his dad. They were now tiny figments in his adolescent brains. His mum and sister never got in touch and he never attempted to look for them either. That was what Uncle said. Now, he has stopped trying hard to love his sisters because any attempt to get close was met with fierce resistance. Expressing love was a thing for girls, anyway.

No form of emotion was expected except viciousness because he was a man. He must be tough if he wanted to manage the over 300-fleet of cars owned by his uncle someday. He no longer missed anyone from his past -not his dad, nor mum nor little sister. Missing them was not permitted because that made him a girl and girls could not run businesses. He needed to be tough to own his uncle’s businesses and tough was exactly how he was going to act.

I Wish…

How I wish I could hold you 
To provide you with the comfort that you need
To tell you everything is going to be alright 
But that seems impossible

I wish I could embrace you
To assure you that I understand
That I've been through a similar experience
But the circumstances are dissimilar

I wish I could be by your side
To hold your hands and look into your eyes
To assess if indeed you are telling the truth
when you say you're fine

I wish I could give you all that you need
To replace all that you've lost
In order to ease the pain 
But I know that wouldn't bring her back

Life has a way of dealing with us on individual bases
To unleash the strength that lies within
and time has the power to heal us
of wounds, hurts and troubles

My wishes will be the words of my prayer 
That God gives you the healing, strength and respite 
that you desire to navigate these hard times
For this is all I'm capable of.

Today marks Day 11 of the 21 day blog challenge and it’s a free day (no blog topic) and I thought of writing this piece to a dear friend who lost her mum a few weeks ago.

In 20 30 40 or 50 – Will you be Ready?

In 20, 30, 40 or 50
When your brains are tired
And your bones frail
And your bladder weak
And darkness all you see
When your epidermis sheds
And memory not as sharp
And your teeth begin to fall out
And hair not as pretty
When you can sniff death so close
So close you can almost breathe it in your nostrils
Will you be ready?

In 20, 30, 40 or 50
Will your eyes be prepared to shut?
And your spirit to bid the world farewell?
Will the call be received with fear or fulfillment?
And your body be ready to rest in peace?
Or rather in despair, full of regret and anguish?
Frightful and afraid of the coldness of the grave
And uncertain of the life you’ll meet.

What if you do not have 20, 30, 40 or 50?
And your brains never get tired
Your bones still as hard
Your bladder not as weak.
And your sight still perfect.
What if your epidermis is intact
And your memory as sharp as ever.
And your teeth so strong to break the bones
And your hair ever so lustrous
Will you still be ready to exit?

If you had 1, 2, 3 or 4
For your spirit to desert this body
But your brains and bones and bladder and sight
and skin and memory and teeth and hair unblemished
Will you look down and back and smile?
Will the clock stop ticking and the bells stop chiming
and the birds stop chirping?
Will it be noticed that a beautiful soul is lost?

It may not be in 20, 30, 40 or 50
It could be in 1, 2, 3 or 4
Will you be ready to bid this earth farewell?
Not in sorrow
But in joy, you’d love to see how the world mourns at your passing.
Will you be ready?

Of Ebony, Life and Death

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom – Psalm 90:12

In less than three days, I’ve been forced to think of the whole phenomenon of life, death and life-and-death. First, it was the devastating news of the death a cousin who suffered some complications after delivery. Baby is fine but the mother is gone.

While recovering from this shattering news, three young lives have also been lost in a gory accident. This incident included the 20-year-old musician making waves in the country at the moment – Ebony and her friends.

The news of their death has saddened me tremendously because of their ages and the manner through which they lost their lives. Nobody deserves to die in childbirth nor an accident. Every young person deserves to go through life, age graciously and die after 70 years. Isn’t that supposed to be the case or what we normally say? It is high time we saw our lives as fleeting – it could be taken away from us anyway.

It is our prayer that the good Lord will comfort their families. Let’s not be quick to judge or propound theories (as some of us are so quick to do). The question of their salvation is between them and God since He is the omniscient one. Instead of questioning their deaths and being judges, quick assessments should rather be done in our lives. The Bible says;

And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment. (Hebrews 9:27)

Death is a natural process and we will all go through it one day. Just like the second coming of our Lord, we do not know the time and day it will happen, therefore, the need to be more intentional in how we live. Let’s not wait until some ‘future’ to start living out the purpose for which Christ has called us for. We need to see our lives as a loan from God and the loan recoverer (God) may come for His money at any time and of course, with interest. How are you supposed to impact the world?

If our lives are this fleeting, why do we hold grudges against someone/people? What is the point in being so competitive while the world can accommodate all of us? Why do we accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal (Matthew 6:19)? Why do you keep postponing those Godly ambitions to a later date when the loan recoverer can come and take his money (life) at any time?

This post is not to make us fearful but rather designed to put us in a reflective and sombre mood. We need to make each day count, starting now.

NB – Is it possible to convey this message to the recipients of our taxes? Can we show some sense of urgency in our developmental processes? Can there be a responsive ambulance service, dedicated health workers who are enthusiastic about what they are doing because their salaries are sufficient and other systems are working in their facilities? Can the road contractors also be more deliberate in their work?

We will all die someday but the proper systems can slow this process a bit.