Letters: To Advise or Not to Advise (II)

A response to Joy by Doris Ampong

Dear Best friend Joy,

Your letter has been duly received. I must say that I’m not surprised to read the contents of it. I’m not surprised because I always read the look on your faces whenever I try to excuse myself to attend to my family needs.

Was I expecting a letter like that from you girls? Probably!
Am I hurt to have read that you girls are bailing out on our beautiful friendship? Yes.

Truth is that I miss you girls a lot too. I miss our long hours of chit chatting, stepping out to have fun especially at the movies where we get to put ourselves in the shoes of the movie characters and have long debates about how we would have behaved if we were them. I miss our cooking parties where each of us will prepare a particular dish and we will have a food-festival and eat as though we have been warned of an impending famine; lol.

But the reality is that I have entered a new phase of life where I do not get to make decisions just for me. There is now a second person whom I have to consider whenever I make any decision. Decisions that I make now need to bear him in mind.

What makes it difficult for me to maneuver through this is that, during our counselling sessions, my husband and I were told to cut off all external parties or friends and concentrate on building one between us. Our seemingly old, mature and knowledgeable counsellors told us to keep to ourselves and enjoy our own company. Especially for me, as the woman, they were hard and strict. They warned me to stop all these hanging-out-with-friends thingy and concentrate on building my home. The simple reason was that anything that goes wrong with the marriage will be blamed on me; as the woman.

This ‘warning’ has placed a heavy burden on me and so I try as much as possible to be with my husband and kids and build my home. Unfortunately, my husband Yaw, does not have any friends that he hangs out with. He is always at home. This makes it difficult to leave him behind at home and hang out with you girls. I know our party will not be the same should I come along with him. We may not be able to have as much fun as we will want to and talk our hearts out as we always do.

Yaw is an understanding person; and so I hope to convince him one of these days so that we girls can go for our Aburi trip which never materialized.

Please hold on to this friendship. You girls should not break the bond. I have you all at heart and I know that one day, we will get to be together like old times.

I love you all;

Sincerely, Ama.